This came up at PostSecret yesterday (if you haven't seen or heard of PostSecret - is there still room under your rock? I'd like to join you there). I wrote to Frank Warren about this image, but my comment still hasn't appeared. This postcard broke my heart and rather than wait for him to maybe post my message, I'm putting it here. I don't know what the chances are of the woman who wrote that card seeing this blog (since no one reads it anyway), but I can't just let this sit.
Dear Brave Woman,
I'm writing this letter to let you know what a courageous person you are and you are not alone! I wish I could personally offer you a hand and pull you from his dark cloud, but I think you are on your way all by yourself. Congratulations and keep on!
I know what you're feeling in your gut is miserable. He's your lover, partner, friend. You love him and he loves you. He would never really hurt you. At the same time, he's really raping you, regardless of whether he tacks the words "fantasy" or "pretend" to it. In his head, you're just an object. You aren't a beautiful, loving, intelligent person anymore.
You also know exactly where these fantasies come from and he's made you sit and watch those porn flicks with him. Which feels just as much like rape as what he does to you physically. Have you ever given thought to what else goes through his head? Or what images he's not sharing with you? You have every right to hold a mirror up to him and make him see who he is and what he's doing to you. And if you need help, there are resources.
One Angry Girl
Against Pornography
Pornography and Rape
Robert Jensen (various articles esp. good for men)
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